Due to the massive success of our most recent boycott against the new paganistic movie The Dark Knight Rising, we want to take some time to do what the Rapture Right Youth Ministry does best; teach good Christian youths how they too can shut down evil, with the help of something called “viral marketing”.
What is “viral marketing”?
Viral comes from the scientific word for “virus” or “curse”. Almost all “virus’s” are caused by sin, so it may seem counterintuitive to engage in “viral marketing” for fear of sinning against God and then becoming cursed by Satan. However, God does create some good diseases which he uses to inspire and challenge us, and using evil to fight evil is totally cool with God.
Viral marketing is not a disease, although it may function in the same way-infecting weak-minded consumers and convincing them to spend their money on anti-Christian products such as deodorant and car insurance.
Our use of “viral marketing” though, is targeted towards evil, especially the pagans in Hollywood who are vampirally sucking the last bit of Christianity out of the movie industry. Thank the Lord for good Christian filmmakers like Kirk Cameron and his massively successful film “Fireproof”. Kirk Cameron is singlehandedly fighting the evil Jew liberals who have their boney-clawed, Jew-hands, tightly gripping the movie industries neck.
Please help support Kirk Cameron and his efforts to re-Christianize Hollywood by purchasing or renting Fireproof at fireproofthemovie.com
So how does a normal Christian kid-who doesn’t have access to high-tech editing programs, 3D HD state of the art video cameras, and unlimited financing from tax-free donations to a powerful Christian youth ministry-create a massively successful “viral marketing” campaign?
Well it’s not easy, but here are a few tricks of the trade that can be learned and have incredible results, making your fight against evil that much more successful!
Step A- Create an effective viral video.
The basis of any successful “viral marketing” campaign, is a successful viral video. Scout out locations, hire a qualified team of film makers and book time at a local production company for your post production needs. This can be done on a limited budget, or by hiring friends who will work at a reduced rate, but you’ll have the most success with your campaign if you can access the proper amount of funding. This can be done in numerous ways, use your imagination and get creative, the possibilities are only limited by your limitations.
Step B- Marketing team.
You’ll need a competent marketing team to tackle the marketing of your well produced “viral video”. Your team manager should have at least 5 years experience in media marketing, a bachelors degree in online advertising and referrals from several successful advertising firms-that saw their profits double while your marketing manager applicant worked for their firms. This step is essential, do NOT make the mistake of hiring an unqualified person to head your viral marketing campaign, and don’t Jew around with them on salary. You get what you pay for.
Step C- Ad placement and online “buzz”.
Your marketing team manager will begin placing small classified ads in hundreds of newspapers across the country. These should be dynamic and vibrant, explaining within the first few sentences the viral video and where they can view it online. Once enough of these small classified ads are seen, you’ll begin to receive feedback from viewers of your “viral video”. This is called “online buzz” and this is the first step to making your boycott a success. As more people view the video, they will begin commenting on it and digitally linking and sharing your boycott video, with like-minded supporters. Online “buzz” can be the difference between a successful boycott of your targeted anti-Christian organization or individual, and just another Internet video that gets mocked by thousands of people. Don’t make it the latter, put your heart into it and you’ll be sure to succeed!
Step D- Recouping your investment.
Now that you’ve spent weeks working on your boycott video, thousands of dollars on production costs, salaries and advertising, it’s now time to start recouping your investment. When you posted your “viral video” online, your marketing manager set up credit card and paypal methods of payment, so that before each viewing, the person about to view your viral video would pay a small fee to do so. This fee is set by the length of your viral video.
For example, if your video is 10 minutes long, you should be justified in charging ten cents for each minute. This is just the standard fee for each viewed minute of an internet viral video. However, if your video production costs were high, due to going over budget from slick graphics and animations, hiring professional actors, or bonuses to your management team, then you can charge more for each viewed minute.
The more “viewed minutes” logged, the more money you can make, and the more successful your viral boycott video will be!
At the end of the day you can not only make a difference by fighting anti-Christian groups, with a multi-leveled viral marketing campaign, but you can also make a hefty profit as well. Use the profits from your success to make upgrades to your local Church building, including the installment of high-definition mega screens, state of the art audio systems and comfortable custom stadium-type seating, so that your whole congregation can experience epic Sunday worship events.
Don’t forget, this is all tax-free, no need to hire an accountant unless you want to create a new position like a “ministry finance director”, give yourself the title and make an extra salary. This is legal, and a just reward for all of your efforts in creating a successful viral marketing campaign, for the continued spread of the worlds most powerful religion, Christianity!