I think i can speak for every Christian out there when i say “When will racism end?!”.
It’s just getting to the point now, where i think it will only go away after the Rapture. Jesus will return and take all of the Christians home, leaving in his wake a world without hope. It’s a world without hope because the only ones left will be Atheists and racists!
Here’s one way we can deal with racism while we wait for Jesus.
Racism is all about skin color (as far as i can gather, i’m not racist). Why does it matter if a person has dark skin or light skin? The only thing that really matters is if the person is a Christian and loves Jesus and God with all of their being. Even if that being is covered in dirty dark skin. Jesus can cleanse the dirtiest of the darks and because of this we propose a two step program for ridding the world of racism.
Step One- Get em some Jesus!
Most darks or colored up skinned people reside in third world countries. In these drab and dreary lands, there is little food, little clean water and hardly any Christianity. Oh we Christians have tried to spread the word of salvation across our globe, but due to a lack of funding we have saved very few of these poor, filthy, diseased dark-skins.
So here’s what we do! We ask the Government to fund an international program, run by the Church, which will help get these people some water and stuff. When we get over to these third world countries, we only help the people after they have had a Bible study lesson. This way they get Jesus and a warm meal (nothing feels better in my tummy then soup and salvation!).
After we have given them the food they will be very grateful and they will learn quickly that Bible=Bread (much in the same a dog can be trained to fetch the morning paper in exchange for a jerky treat). Once they have this down, we’re halfway to ridding the world of racism for good!
Step Two- The Cleanse
Now that the people understand that Jesus died for them so they could have soup and bread and peanut-butter cookies, we can stop focusing on cleansing their souls and get to cleansing that dirty, racism inducing skin they got.
In these third world waste lands, there is nothing to really do. They don’t have functioning economies, they don’t have cool sports like football and golf and their idea of entertainment is drumming and chanting (can anyone say hippie alert?). All they really do well is multiply. They have children much in the same way goats defecate, leaving piles of stinky brown little pellets all over the place.
But now that they have found Jesus, we have to start baptizing these smelly little rug rats. As everyone knows a baptism is when someone is dipped in water by a priest or pastor, while a prayer is said cleansing them of their sins and transgressions. Well, think about this….if you add a little bleach (maybe a lot of bleach) into the water before baptizing these little squirts, you will lighten their skin while lighting up their hearts. Before long you’ll have third world countries that will be teaming with whites. And guess what you won’t have when that happens?….Racism!
If everyone is the same color, what can you be racist about?
These “bleach-isms” will be done respectfully and safely, so as not to harm our important international relations.
This is the cure Christians, now lets make it happen!